Doula Mel

Reflections before my tenth birthday

On Saturday the 14th of November, I have been a Christian for 10 years.  It is also my mother's 61st birthday so I am feeling rather whimsical and reflecting back to the past 10 years of my spiritual walk.  I have blogged about my salvation experience before so not going to rehash here.  Maybe I will dig in my archives and find the link and post on that day as people often seem interested as to how people took that literal leap of faith.

I was obviously seeking in the time prior to accepting Christ.   The birth of Daniel was definitely a catalyst as that brief glimpse of God left me hankering after more of Him.   Life happened, I got very hurt and cross and defensive and it was only 3 years later that I found Him again.  I find it interesting that I find myself in a similar place 10 years later of seeking and growing.   In the beginning of my walk I often took other's opinions and interpretations of the word and Him as absolute truth thinking I was too immature to know any better.   As I grow up I get to know Him personally and not just what and who others say He is.  This makes it difficult for some of the people who walk with me and I am sure I can be a real thorn in their side.  I question myself if I am being rebellious or being the opposite extreme of religious.  Maybe a bit.   I submit myself 100% to God easily, I know He is in control anyway and going with the flow is far less exhausting.   Submitting to others, not easy for me.  One day when I stand before Him those people will not be next to me, just Him and I and I will have to give an account for my life.  Maybe He will tell me I was pretty stubborn and the people He put in my path were put there for a reason.  Who knows, at least He will know it was Him and only Him who I wanted and wanted to please.  I see people suck up so badly doing and saying things to look 'holy' in front of the pastors or elders or whatever leaders you need to follow.  It's not sincere and as complex and over sensitive and full of sh*t as I am, I am not insincere.  

I still want to chat about my fave book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  My mom read it and said it was like reading who I am so its no wonder I related to the book so much.  I want to keep it simple, I don't want to argue about the evils of Halloween or who and what is right and all the other bullsh*t that distracts us from what matters.  I just want to dance my dance with my creator and be loved by Him and love others back.  I want to eat, pray, love too.  Because I have Christ, I don't have to go anywhere or do anything to be on the palm of God's hand.  I have Jesus who extends his hand and helps me up to be in that place of safety and love and affirmation that I find in God's presence.   I wish I could stay there and not deal with all the ugliness that we ironically do in His very name.  50 or 60 years time till that happens, I hope!

A girls best friend too

Bugger diamonds, I'll go for the dog for an instant pick me up.   I came home today feeling upset and wrung out after a big cry & talk session with 2 friends.  As I drove in I saw my gorgeous Zara waiting patiently for me.   The great excitement of my arrival and the grateful appreciation of a tummy rub was really sweet.  People are so complex and so destructive even without intending to be so.  While my dog is most definitely destructive chewing pens, toys, clothes and whatever she can find, she is ever so gentle and loving.

If anyone else feels the need to talk to me about anything intense I strongly advise a postponement.  I am super sensitive and tearful and Agatha's BF is here in full swing.  Tracey has dubbed them whore-moans.  Funny hey!   Hormones sound too innocent for the havoc they cause in my life, whore-moans far more suitable.  They like to travel in convoy and bring their friends... Agatha, Sensitive-Suzie, Teary-Tabitha, even good old Spotty.  Last month was a good one, this one not so much.  I am retreating into my cave and will only be available for chats about the lovely weather we are having or how beautiful the scenery is.  All deep and meaningfuls, not so much.

I do still want to tackle part 2 of yesterdays post but I need to catch my breath 1st.   Thanks to all my friends who care about me and especially my husband.  One of the coolest things about my hubby is his protectiveness.  My knight in his shining black BMW! 

PS, Knight, no one was ugly to me and I really DON"T need protecting so pls don't get all hectic with anyone!!!

Give them joy in their hearts...

Keep them burning, burning, burning, give them joy in their hearts I pray.... la la laaaah la.  You know that song right?    So about Christian parenting.  Before I do this post let me state my intention. I do not want to come across as judgmental or critical or holier or less holier than though.   I want to make us all question the decisions we make on behalf of our kids.   Parenting is flippin' hard.  We so want to do the right thing and want to ensure we raise our kids to be balanced, happy and healthy adults one day.  Much of what we do is based on the choices other people make and who says what.  I say no one knows our kids like we do and we are equipped with instinct and intuition and common sense to know what is right for them.  We drop loads of balls, we do loads right too.   For me, I am open to the ideas and tips of others and I want to learn to be the best parent I can be to the kids I have.

Yesterday I felt really pissed off.  I got thinking about different things that parents do not allow and why they don't.  If you don't allow any of these things then let the reason be a personal spiritual conviction and a good researched reason and not just because other Lordy folk are not allowing it.  The very fact that Christians around the world have different 'wrongs and no-no's' mean the rules we bestow on our families are so often our own issues or that of others and not even biblical or spirit led.

For some people mermaids and unicorns and fairies are an issue.  Why oh why?   Why is fantasy and wonderful stories harmful to our kids.  We only have to look at creation and some of the bizarre creatures God created to know He has an incredible imagination and a sense of fun and colour and even the ridiculous.   Christmas time?   So it has become commercialized?   So what!  Keep it holy in your own home then but for goodness sake, giving a gift and receiving one is such a joy.  Who cares when the exact date Jesus is born, he deserves a birthday with gifts and delicious food for everyone.  He loved a party, He loved His friends and having dinner with them or hanging out.  The tree... its something pretty that everyone can decorate and enjoy.   Father Christmas, Easter bunny and tooth fairy.  I get the reason many clappy kids are not allowed to believe in them.  Apparently they would then believe that Jesus was also made up once they found out the fat guy in the red outfit was actually grandpa all along.  I can't imagine their is a Christian anywhere that lost his faith once he found out the bunny was in fact mom or dad but I do respect you on this one.  Ninja turtles?  huh???  Barbie?  Yes she's got a hot bod and we don't look like that but she is kind and gives good lessons and she is fun to dress.  Anorexia is simply not that simple and caused by a barbie way back when the little girl was 6.   Spiderman?  So what if your 4 year old wants spiderman everything.  All little boys want to be big strong heroes, he will not be into spiderman when he is 16.   Where is the joy an fun and fantasy in their lives?   Rules, rules and more rules!  "Yes I know your whole class is dressing up for Halloween but we don't.  No you can't watch the magic show at school.  You can't go to the party because John's daddy has a tattoo and smokes.  Yes I know Peggy pinched you but remember we turn the other cheek.'    

I want my kids to love God, to be in awe of His power and majesty and brilliant thunderstorms and crazy animals.  I want them to be kind and respectful and to have sound judgment.  I want them to know how much God adores them, how infinitely precious they are to Him.   I want to parent in a way that honours God and it honest and sincere.   I know I stuff up, I know I suck at some things but I also know my home is a fun one and our rules are about caring for self, caring for others, caring for the world we live in and appreciating each day and the people in it.   This post is getting too long so tomorrow I am going to talk about what God is telling us specifically to do and not do in our homes.  How do I know its true?  Because the rules apply to bushmen in the Kalahari, people in the Amazon, Americans, Brits, Aussies, everyone everywhere.   Sjoe, I typed this in record speed with great passion.  I hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings here or offended anyone, if so I am sorry.  Now start thinking and praying and asking God Himself about what is cool and what is not.  xxx   

Trick or Treat angels

 

 

No tricks, no spells, no smells, just the treat of my 2 little nerdy girls dressing up and having fun with their mom and brother.  Go and read all the comments on Tertia's blog for more Halloween info.  I didn't even know we were posting on the same thing but I am glad we did because I feel justified.  I have a big post brewing in my head about what Christian parents are doing to their kids and the absence of teens in churches being hardly a surprise.  Tomorrow, right now Zara, Sofia and I are off to the beach for an ice-cream.

Happy Holy Halloween

Halloween is not big in SA the way it is in the US or the East.  It is still observed here and there though and remains controversial in Christian circles.  Many SA Christians think it terribly evil etc.  My kids asked me if we could go trick or treating together on Saturday night.  We have a very upmarket housing development here called Bel'aire with very large fancy homes and cars.   It has become an annual tradition for neighborhood kids and their mates to walk around the neighborhood in costume and T or T.  Houses that partake and give candy display balloons outside.  The security is very tight but fortunately a friend let us in under false pretenses.  (Yes a little white lie was told I'm afraid)

I told the kids I would need to chat to Daddy about it and ask Jesus if He would mind and if both were happy, we could go.   Gary thought it perfectly OK, I did too and it seems Jesus was happy too.  He loves kids so and seeing my 2 little girls dressed up as pink princesses must surely make him smile?   It was an exquisite warm evening and a fabulous sunset.  The three kids and I walked around all the streets delighted everytime we saw a balloon.   They got a pretty good stash of sweets and we went home all happy and bonded and fine.

I took a few cute pics but can't find the camera so will post some tomorrow.   I am interested to know if any local SA folk celebrate Halloween or if some are really anti and why.  Are American clappers very anti or is it more of a cultural and acceptable holiday?   My New Years Resolution has been one of those most useful and liberating of my life.   The G,G, me rule.  God, Gary and me decide what is cool for my family.  I have always rebelled against rules that are 'just because' or 'I say so' or 'they say/do/believe so.'   Religion.... hate it.  Godly truth and wisdom.... love it. 

Zara LOVING exam time

Getting Daniel to play with Zara or walk her involves a certain amount of nagging persuasion.   Yesterday he decided it was time to start preparing for exams.  Zara loved playing ball.  Today is day 2 of the studying programme and this is how its going so far.

I love this pic, the innocence of a boy and his dog.  I am so aware of savouring the last of his boyhood as being 13, the teen years will soon take over.  I love having a boy, I love this boy!

Brave little Fifi

Yesterday my phone rings and I see the school's name appear on my new Black Berry.   'Sofia has fallen off the play train and she won't settle so can you please collect her.'  BF Daniella was coming for a playdate so I fetched both girls and brought them home.  I couldn't see anything dodgy on her sore arm but eventually after crying and complaining 2 hours later, took her off to the doc.  He sent us to radiology where we had to wait.  I had asked the other 2 girls to go home rather or to Daniella's mom's house but they begged to come with and assured me they wouldn't be bored.  Little fibbers!   'I'm b-o-r-e-d, I'm huuuuuungry, I need a weeeeeeeeee, I'm thuuuuuursteee.  How much longer?'    Right!    

We were finally done and the X-ray revealed a fracture in both wrist bones.  Fortunately it was a clean break.  The doc who had sent me had his stupid phone off so I had to phone my paediatrician aka known as 'my boyfriend' as I love the chap.   He referred me to the orthopedic doc at casualty and by 6.00pm the cast and sling were on and Sofia was very chuffed.   She couldn't wait to go to school today and show it off.  Everytime she gets hurt or sick we say a little prayer of thanks it wasn't Rebeka.  I know this sounds awful but Rebeka is super dramatic and it's SUCH a performance.  Sofia is stoic and brave and calm.  I am going to buy her a bravery reward.  Thanks God for protecting my little girl, it could have been so much worse.  Please continue to watch over my kids each and every and keep them from all harm. x

Goodbye Doodles

Yesterday poor Doodles finally died.  Her tumour had grown so enormous and was starting to bleed that I just couldn't wait for nature to take it course.  As mentioned with her sister Cuddles who also died of cancer, when we keep an animal in captivity natural predators are not around.  (Well they are but can't get into the cage.)  This means when the rat is really sick and slow, a predator can't kill it and put it out of its misery.  I had taken her a few months back but the vet said she was still happy.  This time she called her a tumour with a rat as opposed to a rat with a tumour.

The vet was so kind and respectful and gentle.  She injected her in another room and then gave her to me to hold and left us alone in the surgery.  When Doodles finally fell asleep forever I put her in her fave tissue box and left.  I felt sad but relieved the poor little thing didn't have to suffer anymore.  The kids did too.  We had a candle lit ceremony in the garden and they made her pictures and we all said something nice.   When I see the reaction to a family pet dying I just can't believe their is no heaven for them.  Doodles joins Sweedles, Cuddles, Noodles, Sweetie and Lovie.  Nine long years of having rats as a pet.  They really make the MOST amazing pets.  R.I.P sweet Doodles, we loved you. x 

Anticipation replacing spontaneity (Dad you might want to skip this post )

Pre kids one has the luxury of spontaneous everything.  Nights out, parties, naps, holidays and of course, lots of shagging.   The latter can take place anywhere at anytime and quantity often outweighs quality.  Then critters arrive and the 1st thing that goes after your previously perky body, is your sex life.   Hormones and sheer exhaustion make us 'not so much.'   We are even less affectionate as we don't want to get our poor partners all excited and give them false hope.  While we never quite reach our nymph status of yesteryear, our libido does seem to come back at different stages for different women. 

Eventually your critters become more independent and you have more of a life.   Because the kids are less demanding, you become less resentful of your partner that might not be doing his share fair.  You are less tired and generally happier.   So now you even WANT to do it occasionally!   Unfortunately that fun and exciting spontaneous on the kitchen table stuff is no longer possible.  (Our old backs wouldn't do well anyway!)    Careful military planning is involved to ensure the 2 partners are in bed before 10 so they don't fall asleep or get stuck watching some arb TV show.   Silence is also required as Lord forbid you should be bust by one of your kids.   Much of this is just not sexy and a bit of a passion killer.  After my alone time with Gary on Friday I have decided that anticipation and quality will have to do for now.   We had such a divine evening it felt like we went away for the night.   (Until I had to collect Daniel from his sleepover as he hurt his back)    I have a good army of assistants to send them to once a month like Mimi, Michelle and Auntie Tracey to have our re-connect boyfriend-girlfriend time.  For the rest of the month we sneak around terrified our 13 year old will bust us and know that his parents still occasionally do it.   Funny how thoughts of our parents doing it are always so eeeuw!  

Another tick off my 'before I'm' 40 list

I can't call it my bucket list so I guess my current list is the 'before I turn 40' list.   Some of the things will need to be transferred to the bucket list due to time constraints (17 months to go!) but others are getting steadily ticked off.   Swim with dolphins, learn to surf, surf with dolphins, get a tatt, go on fab holiday with our kids, learn to manage my anxiety, become more green.  Still to go:  go to Thailand, go on a hot air balloon ride, ride an ellie, do a scuba diving course with Daniel, go to Cancun in Mexico.  Mmh, what else? Oh, renew wedding vows in Greece on our fave beach in Skiathos but that will only be when I am 41.  Because we got married in Feb we need to go later in the year in their summer so our significant date is the 1st time we, well you know, 'did it.'    No I don't remember the exact date but I can go and check in an old passport.

So about that tick...next year in April when we go to Bali for Gary's work, I will get to ride on a magnificent elephant.  Well I hope its magnificent and not a sad or mangy guilt inducing ellie that I would have to refuse to ride on.  Yes I know I am fortunate to have these fab work trips each year but remember I sacrifice hours and hours of family time and very few opportunities to eat together as a family in the evenings.   Its ages away and I have just been spoilt rotten on this holiday now but its still something exciting to tuck away and take out to dream about whenever I need to.  I do wish the kids could come with but alone time with Gary will be pretty cool too.  I trust you will all have a very groovy weekend.  Bye. x