Doula Mel

Like a pancake

I feel flat today.  Its a combo of things that all contribute and I wish I could go away to recharge my batteries.

Adam was finally born last night.  We can see how His timing was perfect in all this, it took over 2 days before anything started.  It was a time for my friend to rest and come to terms with her loss and a chance to see a stream of visitors who love her family.  Once the labour started we prayed for a super short one and it only lasted 3 hours which was a relief.    They have a supernatural shalom peace about everything and I am once again reminded that life without Him, is just too hard to even comprehend.

Remember when I wrote about people in our church who lost their precious girl in a drowning accident on January 5th?    I think about them EVERY single day and her picture stays on my fridge.  Sometimes I want to take it off but I feel like that is forgetting her and I never want to do that.   Her parents travelled for 5 months but have been back for a month and I know they are taking such huge strain.   I wish I could hold them a while, give them some relief and take some of the grief away but I can't of course.   It is her 3rd birthday coming up on the 1st of August.   We are not sure what to do and how to handle the day.    I want to do something on her behalf and have been thinking of getting  a wish list from the animal welfare and getting people to buy things on behalf of Mia.   She loved animals.   I need to ask her parents if this is OK.    It is incomprehensible to have to deal with grief like that and once again, it is only Him that carries them everyday.

I know many of you are thinking why doesn't He just save these little people in the 1st place and avoid all the grief and sadness altogether.  I don't know, He is God and we have no idea why but we do know He doesn't leave us alone to deal with the sadness by ourselves.   Now I feel flat AND sad and good old PMS too so I am going to go now before I have all of you feeling the same way.

Gary leaves for the US today so I better go smooch a bit.    Actually maybe just a long, slow hug, not in the smooching mood.  Bye.

So hard to get this one

I've been to the hospital twice this week.  I have seen many desperately poor mothers.  I have seen the twin mom weeping at the prospect of yet another mouth to feed.  I have seen several teenagers who shouldn't be mothers for many years.
And then today, I sit with someone who is very special to me in a labour ward 20 weeks before her due date.  She has 2 great kids, a boy and a girl.   I have a huge soft spot for her boy who reminds me of my own son.   She has been trying for a 3rd and after 2 miscarriages,  she is finally pregnant with another boy.
At her 20 week scan they find no heartbeat and she now has to give birth to this tiny little boy.
They are calling him Adam and we are waiting for the induction to take effect.  It has been 36 hours and nothing yet.  She is very brave and strong and stoic and I admire her enormously.   We both love God and know He loves us too.  We both believe Him to be sovereign but its still hard of course.   
We are not meant to know everything but it doesn't stop the questions.   No answers for us but we do have His divine love and comfort and undeniable presence in our lives.   This is such a tough one for me Lord, for all of us.  Hard!

Debt Collecting not fun!

It  is SO blind asking people for money, I hate it!     Too busy doing post ball stuff to write anything interesting so I will leave you with my 5 worst jobs I would never want to do:

• Pastor:  Everyone wants something from you and your every move, word and deed is scrutinized by people just waiting for you to trip up.    Huge pressure to be perfect. (not from God, from people)
• Debt Collector:   Just too embarrassing plus in some cases, just plain sad!
• High School teacher:    Little know-it-all kids with too much attitude testing my patience daily, no thanks.  (You guys who do this, are AMAZING!)
• Toll Booth Operator:   Self explanatory.
• Morgue Pathologist:   Eeeeuw!

You guys?  What would you NOT want to do, ever!

Medical faith restored

As you know I really struggle with the attitude of some of the medical staff. I feel like my hands are tied because they can kick us out of the ward in a heartbeat. Many of them are not thrilled to have us there. We think they feel accountable to us as they know we are judging their treatment of the mothers. Ironically it is the staff who are nice to the moms who are glad we are there, they are happy to have the moms blessed and cared for.

Four years ago I had Sofia at our local private hospital.  I was induced and the labour was very hectic and I took enormous strain. I had the most awesome nurse/midwife on duty called Sister Oliphant. She was my unofficial doula and I could have never done it without her. Two months ago when I doula'd at Christopher’s birth, she was there again and was great to the parents as well as me. (Sometimes the medical staff is threatened by the doulas and it gets all political and territorial.)

Yesterday I went to the hospital to take the American youth team on a visit. Their chaperone Miss Patti had been out before, as well as one of the girls’ moms Carla. Carla had been so homesick when she was out here and when I see how beautiful her daughter Jessica is, I can understand why. I had a mom of 16 and another of 17 and I know it was a real eye opener to these teenage American girls who lead such a different life. Their lives are like they should be and they are girls with mothers, not mothers who are girls. We had 1 lady in labour who was yelling her head off and delivered while we were there. A few short minutes after her son was born, his brother arrived. She had no idea it was twins and she sobbed her heart out. No one in her household was working and they stayed in 1 room. She had a 2 year old as well and it sounded like the dad lived somewhere else and wasn’t involved. She didn’t want the baby and was so desperate. I was desperate for her. Sister Oliphant is doing her masters so is training at the hospital and delivered the twins. She was incredibly compassionate to this mother and I remarked on her way with the moms. When she said it was her job and that’s how it should be I had my chance to say it so often isn’t.  She isn’t prepared to have her colleagues treat them badly and has in fact reported someone who had a disciplinary for it. Well done brave lady who will put her neck out and be the pariah of the ward. She is very unpopular there at the moment but her focus is on the mothers and she seems not to care about the politics.

I told the mom we could use her to sew bags and Sister Oliphant said she will go there herself and teach her and bring her the machine. She also said she will get a social worker to visit the home and ensure the mom has adequate food so she can nurse the babies. Wow, what a beautiful lady!

I have to do something about the treatment of moms but I need to be careful. I will probably send an anonymous little letter or something. Macasser Hospital has the same resources and they are great with their moms so it can be done. Any suggestions on how to tackle this very sensitive issue?

All the best ‘what ifs’ I could wish for.

I feel like I should be going on honeymoon today after last nights ball!   It was BRILLIANT!  Everything I could have possibly wished for and imagined came true. The venue looked exquisite, the food from what I hear (I was way too nervous to eat) was great, the music good fun with some very entertaining dancing by some of our guests and everyone looked gorg & divine. Thank you God for your favour on this ball, for your provision and blessing and even the brilliant weather you sent us.   Thank you for the money we raised in the auction, please be that little voice of conscience in peoples heads and get them all to pay this week!!!

I am so stoked, so relieved and just so damn chuffed it went so well. God and Wencke did a great job and BB got some great attention, support and interest.
It has been an enormous amount of work but all worth it of course. By the end of the week I should know how much money we raised after we have paid everyone.    I will post pics when I get them, I didn’t even take any I was so wound up.

Fortunately the speech went off well and was pretty relaxed and informal. My friend Miss Cham Pagne helped me loads. I promise I wasn’t drunk or anything unsavory, just more chilled and confident.  My MC Frank did an awesome job like I knew he would. He is my pastor but definitely not the ‘typical’ pastor type as we all normally imagine. He is as Godly as they come but has an excellent sense of humour and is very real. My mom was horrified because apparently my sister asked if she could see up his skirt (he wore a kilt) so she could do a myth busters blog about 'do they, or do they not,' wear undies. Not going there!
My auctioneer Chris also did a fab job and my mom’s painting fetched R1500 so we were all terribly proud of her. (she was worried no one would bid so was listed anonymously as Lady J)

I have lots of best parts of the evening but having people I care about, especially my parents, say they were proud of me was so cool. I am so careful not to fall into the pride trap with BB because I know how God deals with that in our lives. I also know how I couldn’t do this without Him but I still felt a tad chuffed with myself. It’s more of a …. I started something and have stuck with it through really tough times and I get to make a difference in peoples lives. The evening felt like a Godly reward and affirmation and encouragement for what we do, a very cool feeling! I know I will have many dips and times of great provision and times of the bare minimum but I trust Him totally and my stubborn Dutch nature means I will persevere and only ever quit when He sends someone else to take it from my hands. On a high today!

Today is the big day!

In less than 12 hours I will be at the ball with scores of beautifully guests arriving. The venue will look amazing, the food delicious, music boogie-liscious and the auction will raise tons of money. My speech… ah, I will not sweat or say ‘um’ a lot or repeat myself. I will not leave out most of what I wanted to say, I will NOT do a Janet Jackson and have my boob pop out and I won’t cry.

I hate public speaking as most people do. I have improved loads since starting BB but I still get very nervous. We watched Auntie Nina’s wedding video again (my girls love it) and my speech was fab. No really, everyone laughed and I think they were laughing WITH me as opposed to AT me. I had lots of rescue remedy and a fair amount of champagne that night and it must have worked.

My beloved mom is forever offering me her fave little nerve pill called Xanor whenever I am highly stressed. I once took half when I had to talk at a ladies function and it really helped. When Tertia was interviewed for Carte Blanche (a huge show in SA TV with millions of viewers) her close family were also interviewed. As the fertile sister in the book and all the drama we went through, I was also interviewed. We were all hysterical with excitement and nerves so I popped a half a little xanor with my mom having the remaining half. They wanted to film Tertia and I looking natural which means for Tertia, that involves a glass of wine in her hand. So there we are, pretend chatting, really laughing and really drinking wine for the camera.  Yikester!!! Half an hour later I can hardly keep my eyes open with the combo of alcohol and chill pill.

So folks, tonight I have to do this talk in front of all these guests and I will be ‘I-wanna-puke’ nervous. I only talk about 2 hours into the evening which means I will probably have some champagne. I can’t risk having the xanor as well which means I will have to drop numerous drops of rescue on my tongue and very carefully, drink just the right amount of champagne.

Yesterday I wanted to comment about the craziness that has gone over at my sister’s blog but it has really upset me so I will leave that for next week. Thanks to all of you who recognize that in true Christianity, there is not radical hate and vicious judgment & intolerance. It is simply impossible to entertain His love for people mixed with violent and intense hatred in one soul and mind. 

Thanks faerie godmammas for sponsoring people tonight, many people will enjoy a dream evening and a brilliant speech because of your generosity. Don’t forget to pray for us this evening and especially to thank Him for making it so amazing! 

My very purple breakdown.

I have had a very intense stressed week with all the last minute stuff I need to do, collect and organize. Getting things for free means people do not place any urgency or priority to the matter. They are iffy about delivering on promises and I have to mail them, call them, grovel and practically kiss their butt. Can you tell I am done butt kissing here!  I am grateful of course but jeez Louise, enough already!

To add to my stress, Nolene hasn’t been here the whole week and its school holidays so I have the kids to take care of in between all this stress and a horribly messy house. I wake up in the middle of the night constantly running though all the things on my ‘to do’ list.
Yesterday my kind mom took the girls home with her so I could get some work done only to phone 2 hours later with a very sick Fifi.  Gary had to bring her home and she puked all evening and ran a temp. I had her sleep next to me on a mattress and every time she coughed, I thought she would puke so I jumped out of bed brandishing a bucket just in case. Add continuous pouring rain to the equation and Mellie is not a happy camper.

Today I went to Nedbank for the 6^th time finally ready to get the card. I had my new ID, proof of address and official letter. Easy, NOT! Seems they have mis-spelled my surname and a new card has to be reissued. I am pretty ok still, I do not use foul language (desperately trying to clean up my mouth) and I am not rude to the bank teller. I take my sick child with me and we go and fetch Nolene from the station. I am having Rebeka’s room painted a gorg colour called Purple palace. On route home the lid comes off and a whole liter of purple palace pours all over my car.

I pull over and proceed to seriously lose it. I just cracked and yelled and swore and went totally ballistic using a quilt I had in my car trying to clean it up.   I threw the tin, I kicked the wall, I went crazy.   I feel like I simply cannot do this anymore… the pressure is literally too intense and I am going totally looney! I raced off to Benbel ready to give them hell. The guy who had helped me was actually a sweetheart and it was just a mistake so I had to turn away and pray for supernatural peace and apologize for the huge meltdown including the F-bomb I am trying to avoid. (Tantrum fortunately on side of road so only witnesses Nolene and Fifi) It did actually help and I took Fifi home and came back to have my car cleaned and then off to have the carpet cleaned. You can hardly see it although it is very stinky. My clothes are pretty messed and my nails are now purple palace in shade but the crises is over. I need to reclaim my peace from last week but I suspect from the amount of chocolate I am eating, I might be premenstrual.

I am supposed to spend the next hour chasing people who STILL haven’t paid for their tickets but I just don’t have the strength right now.   Later, later I will chase, now I will eat more chocolate and drink hot tea and stop for a second or billion!

What do you do with their art?

Three kids, 22 years collectively  and a million pictures, cards, paintings and cardboard sculptures later.
What do you guys do with all the things your kids draw, paint and make?   I feel horribly guilty throwing things away plus I have Sofia's scary teacher to contend with.  I once took home the wrong pic  belonging to another child and she asked for it back.  Yikes, almost pooped in my pants in fear trying to find it.  By some miracle I did find it and could return it.  I later saw it was part of a little theme they were doing so I sort of understood her wanting the pic back.
I am working on that relationship by the way.... my approval addiction doesn't allow me to just not care that she doesn't like me.   I grovel, I cry, I give, I squirm but I don't yet 'not care.'    I only have 5 months left and I am trusting for some kind of understanding between us before we forever part ways. 
I wish I could think like a bloke, they are so much better than us when they are not liked.   Sigh, tough being a girl!   

Bouncing my ball

Boing boing…. I am very busy playing with my ball at the moment hence the lack of anything to read on this here blog.  Apologies to all my lovely readers and promises of all sorts of interesting chatty posts in the future.  My head is actually spinning with all the things I want to chat about but this week but it is crunch time with our ball. 

We have sold all our tickets… praise God!  I know some of you are STILL waiting on paypal details but I am too waiting on those.  I only have a US address to send cheques to and a UK bank account apart from our SA one, to receive donations for tickets.  I have given away the tickets in faith much the same way I do all BB related things.    My fleece is costing me R12 000 and I received R5000 from one of my US donors.   We had a promise of another large amount but nothing for a while.  I pondered about just ordering the fleece anyway.  I had a little chat to God.    Flip God, we really are running out of blankets.   I need to order the fleece but I don’t have the money yet.   Well darling Mel, (He LOVES me) do our babies need warm blankets?   Yes they do.  Well duh, order the fleece then!  OK, consider it done.  Faith, foolishness or presumption?   I call it faith and today the rest of the money came in.   Six hundred meters of porcelain cozy fleece to make 1200 blankets to last out the winter, thanks God! I love the ride of this BB thing, OK sometimes I hate it but mostly I love how I run this charity on no regular funding and we still give out 210 jam packed beautifully made diaper bags each and every month.    I also know its not sensible to have no budget and real financial plan, but with no salaries to pay, I can just bless my moms one day at a time and trust Him to provide for the next visit.    As of now, we have no clothes again.    This is now though and tomorrow is then and I won’t borrow its troubles and worries.   

Off to do more ball stuff, remind me to tell you about my very gorgeous dress I finally bought after trying it on 5 times on 5 separate occasions!   I love it and as long as I keep my shoulders back and suck my tummy in, I will look gorg & divine!

National PJ day

I have never stayed in my PJ's all day and allowed my kids to do just that.  Today with this ongoing foul weather, it has been decided by the Loebenberg-Novitzkas family, that this very day will be our 1st PJ day.   We have all eaten a gazillion pancakes made by yours truly and we will now all chill in various directions.   Gary on the couch watching SA play New Zealand in the rugby, Daniel watching a movie, the girls peacefully playing, (for now) and me on my computer.  I will be good and just do an hour or 2 of BB ball stuff, do my homework for the course I am doing  and then jump into bed and read my book.  I know the chances of me really reading my book are slim due to everyone asking me to do something, but a girl can dream.

Last night we did the table plans for the ball and I felt excited for the 1st time.    I am changing my what ifs... what if I sell all the tickets, I get extra funding to cover the DJ and decor, all the wine I have tried to get sponsored arrives, I get loads of cool prizes, great things to auction, the food is delicious, everyone is touched by what we do and they bid lots of money, the music is great and people dance up a storm and everyone goes home happy and satisfied with a wonderful evening.   After we have paid everyone I calculate we have made the amount I am trusting Him for and all the stress and hard work pays off.  Literally!   I get funding to last me 6 months and I get to run BB with a whole lot less stress and a whole lot more provision.   Yip, thats what I want and I trust for. 

Please God, you are so faithful and have been our provider in all we do.  You are the creator of all things amazing and beautiful  and I know for you to create this ball, is just a breath from you.  Please make it amazing.
If I don't make the money I am trusting you for, then I know it is because you are busy doing something else with it and it will always be for good.  Still, please help us make it everything I have dreamed it to be.    I will do my best not to be all proud and pat myself on the back when it is great  and promise to thank you publicly and give you the kudos.    Thank you in advance!     In Jesus name I pray, Amen! xxx

Edited to add..
I lasted until 12.00 & then I felt stinky and the PJ novelty wore off so I am now bathed and dressed and back on my usual busy mission.   I read in this months Femina the best defense against depression is being really busy. All the very busy people I know don't have time to be depro so I guess it must be true!